The Why and Wherefore

Top 10 Alternative Abstinence Slogans

Posted on: August 1, 2008

In reading Salon’s fantastic article defending the casual hookup (particularly from the women’s perspective), a friend of mine pointed out the jaw-dropping abstinence slogan “There’s No Condom for the Heart.” Forthwith, a collaboration with my dear friend Pants, in promoting additional slogans for the movement:

10. Don’t Have Sex: You’re Probably Not That Good At It

9. The Best Birth Control is Shame

8. God is Watching, and He Says You’re Doing It Wrong

7. That’s Not What We Mean By “Missionary”

6. Who Would Jesus Do? Not You. Or Anyone. But Especially Not You.

5. Christ Didn’t Die for Our Sins So You Could Settle for a 6

4. We Protect the Unborn, But After That You’re On Your Own [with apologies to George Carlin]

3. Go F**k Yourself. But You Didn’t Hear That From Me.

2. Sex Ed? Don’t Ask, Because We Won’t Tell.

And the number one best new abstinence slogan we could come up with:

1. If God Wanted You to Get Pregnant, He’d Do It Himself

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7 Responses to "Top 10 Alternative Abstinence Slogans"

How about this one:

“Mouth sex is an abomination to the Lord”

i thought some of those relating to god were very rude!

i think tht wat u r sayin in this statements is very unessary and the stuff about god is very disrespectful.

yea god sucks, christ is gay, so have a nice fucking day

If God did tolerate this, He must be pretty linient………………

Didn’t know that Salon, and anyone reading it, was so anti-woman. Promoting the hookup culture is like promoting the drug culture.

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